Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
