I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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