if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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