he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
