come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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