Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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