He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife