I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.