the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.