I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
