I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?