Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him