I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed