areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
