I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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