just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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