You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
