Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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