I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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