Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
high people should be assigned attendants
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
