wanna go halves on a baby?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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