She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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