best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
