i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
