By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
