Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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