I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
