How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
