Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
