she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
