I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
