I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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