I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
