so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
NoShamevember. You game?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
