he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
