your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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