Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
