Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
