I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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