My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize