Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
