it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
