when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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