I want to walk on stilts...naked
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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