got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
