the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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