Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize