I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
