I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
