In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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