Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
