I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
where does the pee come out of this thing
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
