Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
