Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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