I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
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I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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