So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I puked a lego.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
