Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
