I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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