we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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