So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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