Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
