I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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