U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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