It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
