I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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