Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
