Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just high enough for therapy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
