Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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