No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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