apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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