yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
