listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
