Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
