I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
