Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
