Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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