Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
