you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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