Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
