Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
