it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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