smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
