I got chris browned last night
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
